


Day Off

by Vanhalla



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Anal Sex, Awkward Tension, Awkwardness, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel is Not Innocent (Supernatural), Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean Winchester is a moron, Fluff, Lol tags are rly hard, Lube, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Coital Cuddling, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-13 05:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21489115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanhalla/pseuds/Vanhalla
Summary: Sam and Dean have a day off, or maybe two, who knows. All that Dean knows is that Castiel, who he's had a crush on for who knows how long, asked him a weird question yesterday, and now that all they get to do is talk, things are weird.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 42





	1. Where Sam is a lil shit

**Author's Note:**

> English ain't my first language so uh yeah I hope this is still readable lol ^^.
> 
> I'm rly not far into SPN, I'm only at season 5, so yeah pls don't go in the comments telling me "oh but x can't happen, because in season 13 x happened" or whatever. Idk what happens later, so y'know, let's just say this is a canon divergent fanfic.

Dean's head hit the wall of the shower, his eyes closed as he groaned softly, cursing himself in his head and spouting whatever insult came to mind.

Cas had asked him a question yesterday.

"What… what does love feel like?"

Dean had chuckled at first. Why ask this? And how couldn't he know? Had he never fallen in love before? Judging by his usual innocent, ignorant puppy-eyed look, the answer was most definitely no.

But as Dean tried his best to explain, he realized just how confused he was feeling about himself the more he described it. "It's like… friendship, but also not that. I guess it's more than that? You feel happy whenever they're near. You want to protect them, make them laugh-" he had stopped at that sentence and his thoughts caught up to him as he stared at Cas. While he'd never admit it, he did feel that way towards him. And thinking of that made him think _ : Why did Cas even ask that in the first place? _

Dean sat down, his back against the shower wall. He needed to calm down somehow. His thoughts were all over the place, and while this wasn't a new thing at all, it was still a very annoying thing, especially with the types of thoughts that were intruding his mind.

_ "What if he asked that because… he's in love?" _

That would be stupid. Who would he even be in love with?

There wasn't much choice to be had, there were only four candidates that knew Castiel and got along (more or less) with him, two of them which would have surprised Dean a lot if Cas had shown interest towards them

The inevitable "maybe it's me" was, of course, lingering around his brain. And try as he might, he simply couldn't ignore it.

He had tried repressing these thoughts before, everytime Cas would do or say something endearing, or make him remember how adorably cute he was. The first time he had gone on a mission with him back when Sam and him split up was definitely the first time Dean had realized this feeling.

The feeling that Cas could have Dean feel something no one else had ever made him feel before, minus a few exceptions. A sentiment of joy, of care, that didn't feel like the love he had for Bobby or Sam, but another type of love. The word to describe it was at the tip of his tongue. But he couldn't find it.

Dean sighed and slowly stood up, turning the shower knob to stop the water, and quickly stepping out. 

After he was finished getting dressed, he stepped out in the motel's main room and sat on his bed, sighing deeply, his palm rubbing against his face in exasperation.

"Hey Sam?" He mumbled, staring at the ground. "You took Latin in college, right?"

His brother, who was doing research at the table, moved his eyes away from the laptop, and raised a curious eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"How do you call that thing, when you love someone but like, only romantically?"

Sam squinted, eyebrows furrowed as he made a weird face. "W-why?"

"Nun'na your business. Just answer the damn question, jackass!"

Sam turned on the chair and sighed, closing his laptop. "Eros. Romantic or sexual love. But if that's not what you're searching for… there's also Philia, which is friendship."

Dean nodded in silence. 

"Is… is that it?" Sam asked, still a bit suspicious and confused.

"Yeah - well, no-" Dean groaned and passed a hand on his nape. "I dunno man… I'm feeling a bit… weird."

He stayed silent for a bit, and then mumbled "So… Eros, huh?"

"Does this have to do with Cas?"

Dean's eyes widened at the mention of the angel, and his head shot up. This, obviously, made Sam giggle and smirk, which in return annoyed Dean.  _ Since when did he..? _

"Son of a- how'd'you know??" Dean exclaimed, getting a bit anxious.  _ How could he have possibly known about this? He had done his very best to keep it a secret. He had always kept a stoic expression in front of Cas, he tried his very best to not have it known by his face. _

Sam shrugged. "I didn't. I took a shot in the dark to be fair, but wow, I guess you really  _ were  _ hiding something from me." He said, chuckling a bit at Dean's panicked expression.

"Oh, shut up." He said, grumbling. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"So… you're gay for Cas, is that it?"

Heat crept up Dean's cheeks when Sam said that, and his eyes widened even more, his hand waving in front of him, trying to dismiss his brother's claims. "N-NO!!! Of course not!!!"

Sam didn't seem convinced. "Well, with that attitude, you won't be going very far, that's for sure." He said, his shit-eating grin plastered on his annoying face.

Dean pouted and frowned, to which Sam didn't answer, and simply opened his laptop again and kept doing whatever he was doing earlier.

Dean sighed, and laid down on the bed, staring at the ceiling dejectedly. "So what should I even do?" He mumbled to himself.

"Well, you can start by talking to him more. Get to know him."

Sam said, eyes glued to his laptop. "Also, I haven't found anything, and no calls from Bobby either." He sighed and laid back in his chair. "Looks like we have a day off, Dean."

Dean groaned and rubbed his eyes, sitting up on the bed. "Great. The day wanted to screw with me, huh?"

"Well… on the bright side, you have all day to find Cas and talk to him."

"That's what I meeeaaant. I don't wanna talk to Cas, Sam!" Dean replied with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Why not? I'm just suggesting you to just... have a nice conversation with him, y'know?" He raised his eyebrows and shrugged "No need to.. go far… and get your Eros in a bunch?"

Dean squinted and blinked frantically, and then sighed loudly, standing up and stretching. "I'm hungry, are you hungry?"

"No, I just wanna tal-"

"I could go get us something to eat."

"Dean-"

"I think there's this nice restaurant nearby that sells burgers, i'mma go get us some."

"Dean-"

Dean continued to ignore his brother's attempts to continue the conversation, and walked out of the room and quickly shut the door behind him. 

_ "Damnit... why'd he have to get all personal like that… I don't want people knowing about this... it'd never work anyway, what's the point.." _

He grabbed his keys from his pockets, tossing them around in his hand as he walked towards the Impala. But as soon as he sat down, a flap of wings right next to him made him jump and gasp. "Oh, shit, Cas!"

_ This wasn't the time… he wasn't in the right mood for this.. _

Castiel was sitting there in the passenger seat, with his usual serious, but oddly endearing glare. "Why are you here? I thought you… went out..?" Dean asked.

He wasn't exactly sure what Castiel did today. Maybe he could ask him about it.  _ Strike up a conversation... _

"What  _ did  _ you do today?"

Cas looked at the sky, face not changing a bit as he spoke. "Same as usual. I wanted to keep working, find clues, but…"

Dean raised an eyebrow at Cas, who looked like he was trying to find the right words to say. "I didn't find anything. And now… I'm… tired. And… bored.." 

It sounded as if this was the first time he felt like this, judging by his lost and confused expression. "Oh wow, well, uh…"

_ Might as well ask him, not like they had anything else to do _ .

"I was gonna go grab some food. Wanna come with me?"

Castiel turned to Dean, staring right at him.

"I wouldn't have much use for it, but yes, I suppose it could help me pass the time."

Dean smirked and started the car. "Great, then let's go!"

As they were driving, Dean felt the need to ask Cas a few questions. As much as he didn't want to follow Sam's advice, at the same time, it wasn't such a bad idea to try to talk to Cas more. "So, uh… how's the car ride?"

"Bumpy. And slow." Cas answered as he looked outside.

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, figured."

He sighed, and cleared his throat.

"So, that makes me think; why'd you come find us when you got bored? And… how _ did _ you even get bored? Don't you have tons of shit to do?"

Cas shrugged, eyes still locked outside. "I don't know how I got bored, exactly. It just happened. And well, I don't have much people to talk to these days, you should know that."

"Yeah, I guess."

They arrived at the restaurant seconds later, and went to the drive-thru. "Okay so, I know you don't usually eat, but uh.. do you want anything?"

Cas looked down, and Dean could see a hint of embarrassment in his eyes. "I… would like a toy..?" Cas asked softly. 

Dean's eyes widened, and he smiled, repressing his urge to laugh at how unexpected, yet charming this demand was. "W-well, y-yeah, sure!" Dean stuttered, trying to keep his calm. 

_ A toy? That was cute. Since when did he like toys? _

He got the food, and then drove to a calm spot near a park, parking there and turning to Cas, handing him over the bag with the toy. Cas took the toy, a small pink unicorn with a white mane, and looked at it happily, before turning around to, Dean assumed, play with it. 

"Well. This is nice." Dean said as he chomped down on his burger. "We got a whole day off, the three of us." He laid back in his seat and relaxed a bit.  _ Maybe this wasn't all that bad.. _

Cas turned around, placing the unicorn in the cupholder, before leaning in and looking at Dean. "I wanted to ask…" he started.

Dean turned to him, and swallowed. "Hm?"

Castiel looked down. "What do… you usually do on days off?" He asked, a bit shyly. Dean shrugged and took another bite. "Eh, depends. I can look at porn, drink, clean our guns, sleep…"

"And what were you planning to do today?" Cas asked.

Dean stared at the angel for a moment. "Cas, are you okay?"

_ He usually wasn't this chatty, and he was showing a bit too much interest in Dean's personal life right now. This felt weird. _

Castiel shrugged and sighed. "I'm not sure. This is the first time I experience boredom, I don't know what to do with it."

_ Well, that would explain it. _

The angel then looked back at his toy in the cupholder. "Although, to be honest, I do feel less bored now that I'm talking to you…" he grabbed the toy and looked at it, then back at Dean.

Dean felt very strange inside. He felt proud that he was able to entertain Castiel even a bit. He felt happy hearing him say these words  _ But then again, did that even mean anything? Would Cas have felt the same way with someone else? _

"Well, if you really wanna do something…"

He thought for a moment. Cas wasn't the type to do any of the things Dean usually did on days off. He was an angel, after all. 

So Dean had to find something they'd both have fun doing.

A few seconds passed.

Blank. He didn't have any ideas.

"Nevermind, I got nothing." Dean said, a bit annoyed that he was this much out of ideas.

"Well, we could keep talking. This is nice."

"It is?" Dean asked. He honestly didn't think Cas would enjoy talking to him much. It's not like the current conversation they were having was very interesting.

Cas nodded. "Mhm."

"Huh… well, if you say so.."

They stayed in silence for a bit, before Dean handed Cas his burger. "You want a bite?"

The angel stared at the burger, and frowned at bit, before looking back at Dean.

"I... don't usually eat..." he said.

"Wouldn't hurt to try, no? I mean, you've eaten before anyway." Dean answered, waving the sandwich in Cas' face. The angel sighed and grabbed the burger, taking a small bite out of it. He chewed for a bit, his face scrunched in concentration, as if he was trying to taste all the little flavors in the food.

"It tastes good." He then said after he swallowed.

He then handed it back to Dean, who stared at the place where Cas had bit for a second before putting the burger down. "So… uh…"

Dean started.  _ He wanted to talk to him more. But he didn't know what to say. _

Dean scratched his head, and took another bite of the burger.

As he searched for something to say, Castiel tugged on his sleeve. Dean looked at him, and saw that he was looking up at the sky.

"I… would like looking at the clouds together… if you don't mind. I've never done it, but I have heard it is very relaxing."

Dean chuckled, a bit surprised at this demand. "You wanna do that? You sure?"

Castiel nodded, and Dean smiled in return. "Heh. Well, alright then."

He got out of the car, burger still in hand, and walked to Cas' side, finding he had already gotten out. "Oh, yeah, forgot you could do that." Dean said, laughing a bit in surprise. Cas looked around, searching for a good place to sit down. "We can just sit on it, y'know?" Dean said, pointing at the car. Cas made a surprised noise, and teleported to the hood, now in a sitting position, knees up against his chest, his toy still in his hands as he looked up at the sky, fiddling with the plastic absentmindedly. Dean climbed up next to him and laid back, taking a bite out of his burger and sighing. 

There were other people in the park, further from where they were parked. Families, probably, judging by the happy giggles of kids playing, and lower voices from adults talking with each other.

The wind was soft, and a bit warm, which was quite comforting, as the seasons were slowly switching from summer to fall.

And then the clouds in the sky. Fluffy, white and blue, slowly gliding in the darkening blue skies, pushed by that soft, warm wind tickling Dean's face.

This entire experience was very different than his usual days off. He wasn't used to…  _ calmness _ . 

Dean's days off consisted of drinking and going at bars to get with hot chicks. Either that, or he'd just sleep for the whole day, recharge his batteries, catch up on all the sleepless nights.

He realized that he never really just… stopped, and taken the time to properly relax before.

He had done it in the past, when he was younger, but this was so long ago. Ever since…  _ everything _ , he'd never really done it. Not as well, at least. And now, he was realizing just how  _ nice _ that felt to just take his time.

"Heh, you're right, Cas. This does feel nice…"

He said, turning to the angel.

Castiel had his eyes locked onto the sky, his chin against his knees, soft wind making his messy dark hair sway a bit, his traits softer, expression more serene. Not that it wasn't before, but there was something about his face now…

_ Happiness? _

Dean's heart skipped a beat as Cas turned to look at him. "Yeah. S-sorry, I was caught up in my thoughts." He apologized, shaking his head a bit.

_"Aaahhhh shit, why is he so goddamn adorable??" _Dean thought, staring back at Cas.

"I-it's a'ight.." he stuttered, trying to calm down as best as he could. 

Cas huffed. "But you're right… it is nice…"

And then a soft, barely perceptible smile crept up the angel's cheeks. Probably the most beautiful sight Dean had ever witnessed. And as if God Himself was watching them, the clouds parted just enough so that the warm golden rays of the sun could shine down on Castiel, the soft lukewarm breeze of the fading summer flowing in his dark locks added to it all making the entire thing seem so… magical.

"_What the fuck is happening lately? It's as if fate _**_wants_** _me to get with him."_

He couldn't resist smiling back at Cas, and then chuckled softly. His smile was cute. And probably the rarest thing he'd ever experience in his life. He felt the need to protect that smile just so he could see it again, alone. 

And then that minuscule sliver of hope, that maybe everything about Cas' behaviour meant something, but he simply wasn't picking up on those signals. That maybe he really  _ did  _ fall in love with Dean, and maybe he was simply too shy to say anything. 

_ "But why would an angel love me?" _

Dean's expression dropped a bit at that thought.

That was probably the thing that hurt him the most about all his doubts. But to his pessimistic view, this thought felt realistic to him. Why  _ would _ an angel love him? What did he have that Cas would be into? 

He was a broken man, he had issues, problems, that followed him wherever he went. Everyone that loved him always ended up being hurt. He drank too much, he was impulsive, brash, obnoxious…

"Dean?"

That voice brought him back to reality. He hadn't realized he had zoned out for so long, and had been staring at Cas' face that whole time. He shook his head, and rubbed his eyes. "Oh… sorry… I zoned out." The man said, groaning a bit.

Cas was back to his regular serious and innocent expression, eyebrows slightly knitted, mouth back to a soft frown, pale blue eyes as big and as adorable as ever. "Are you okay?"

Dean nodded, and sat up, stretching a bit. He finished his burger, and sighed deeply. 

"Yeah. Sorry." He looked up at the sky, and then back at Cas. "Do you wanna do something else?"

Cas shrugged, and looked down. "I wouldn't know what else do to…" he said sadly, which tugged at Dean's heartstrings as he saw the angel's defeated expression. "Well… there's a TV in the motel, we could... watch some TV?"

Castiel looked up at Dean, and nodded silently, to which Dean smiled, and climbed down the car.

"You got anything in particular you wanna watch?"

Castiel shook his head, placing his unicorn in his pocket, and teleporting back in the car. "No. Whatever you choose should be fine."

And so when they came back to the motel, Dean decided to binge watch Dr. Sexy, M.D.

Castiel didn't seem to really get the appeal of the show, but Dean did find his questions and general confusion quite endearing.

"Why are they talking right there? Isn't this the operation theatre? That's not very considerate of them." Cas said, shocked and appalled, sinking into the couch he was sitting on next to Dean, while Dr. Sexy was having a passionate discussion with the nurse, during a very important surgery.

"I don't exactly understand why you would enjoy this show, Dean, but I will respect your choice. And, well. I must admit, as infuriating as this is, I do find myself wanting to watch more."

Dean found it amusing to see Cas somehow get into the show, albeit not in the same way Dean himself was in. It was a change from Sam's slight disgusted and judgmental expression whenever he'd catch him watching it. It also felt nice to know he now has someone to talk to about it.

After a few hours, Sam came back to the motel, seeing the two men with their eyes still glued to the TV. He cleared his throat to get their attention, and they both turned around. "Dean, did you just get Castiel into Dr. Sexy M.D?"

Castiel nodded, and brought his attention back to the TV.

Dean frowned a bit. "Yeah, so what?"

Sam chuckled and smirked, and walked to the table. "Nothing, nothing." He placed the food bags on the wood and looked at his brother. "I brought food. It's pretty late, you know that?"

He looked at the clock on the wall. "A quarter past midnight, to be specific."

Castiel's eyes widened, and he stood up. "Oh. Well, I shouldn't stay here then."

He turned to Dean and awkwardly pat his shoulder. "I've stayed here too long, I'm sorry. I apologize for the inconvenience. I must leave."

And before Dean could say anything, Cas was already gone, only thing left behind being the noise of his wings flapping.

Dean felt something in his hands, and he opened it. It was the unicorn toy Castiel had gotten earlier. Dean smiled softly, and placed the toy in his pocket. 

"Inconvenience? Did it go  _ that  _ bad?" Sam asked as he started eating his salad. 

"N-no, actually… it… went pretty well. I don't know what he meant by that…" Dean answered, sitting at the table and taking out a sandwich. 

"Maybe… maybe he thought him being here was annoying you?"

Dean sighed, chewing slowly, his gaze locked on his sandwich. "I… maybe it has to do with the question he asked me yesterday.." He mumbled to himself.

"Maybe." Sam said, then gasped, and snickered. "Maybe he feels the same way you do, hm?"

Dean shrugged. He didn't like talking about these things with his brother. And now that it was even more personal, since it involved Cas, this made Dean even more uneasy. 

He quickly finished his meal, cleaned up, and went to bed. Maybe everyone would forget about it the day after? He just hoped they'd have something to do, so they'd get their minds off the weird shit that had happened today.

Dean closed his eyes, and, as he fell asleep, hoped that something, anything, would make things less awkward for them.

It's too bad he was already asleep only a few seconds later, else he would have probably heard the flap of wings right next to his bed.

  
  



	2. Dean Is A Moron And Should Take A Hint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHIT GETS WORSE BECAUSE DEAN IS AS THICK AS A FUCKIN WALL

_ This dream was vague this night. It was a relief to not have a nightmare or dreamless night for once, but from the looks of it, Dean would've preferred the other options.  _

_ There Cas was, laying on a big velvet bed, with only his underwear and his blue tie around his neck, with a needy look on his face. Then Dean was underneath him. Then over him, pinning him down, hands over his head, as the angel, now fully naked, moaned and cried out his name, rocking with the rhythm of Dean's thrusts. _

_ "Dean... Dean, Dean!!! Aahhh!!!" _

  
  
  


Every day, Dean would've been woken up by an alarm, or by Sam. It always went like this, unless the thing waking them up was a monster or a demon barging in their room and trying to kill them.

This time, however, it was completely different.

Dean felt oddly relaxed, as if he had actually slept well. He couldn't remember his dream, sadly, but he remembered it was a fun one. The lights were off in the motel, the sun not having risen up yet due to the early hour, and there was something warm, heavy and soft, and...  _ breathing? _ , pressed to his side and wrapped around his chest. He tried moving, but realized one of his arms was stuck in this warm thing. 

_ Was someone sleeping next to him? He didn't recall bringing a girl home the night before. _

He turned to the other side, and realized Sam wasn't in bed. On the table was a post-it note, but Dean was too far to be able to reach it. The hunter was really starting to panic now. What was happening?

He heard a soft groan back to where the soft mass was, and that grunt had a familiar tone, which made Dean double-take and his eyes widen in shock. 

_ "No way…" _

Dean squinted, trying his best to distinguish the form in the dark of the room. And what he saw proved his fear.

"C-Cas..?" He whispered.  _ Was he asleep? _

_ "But how?? Could angels even sleep? How did he get here, also? He wasn't there before I went to sleep, no?!!!" _

Dean was very confused, flustered, and maybe a bit hard too.

_ "Wait, shit, that's bad."  _ He thought as his pants got a bit tighter with the added pressure.

He felt the thing on his chest move, and realized it was Cas' hand. Which meant that he probably had his arm wrapped around Dean's invalid one, which explained why he couldn't move. Dean sighed and let his head fall back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

"So. What the fuck do I do now?"

He turned to look at Cas again. The sun was starting to come up, giving off just enough light for Dean to be able to make out some details of the angel's face.

First thing Dean noticed was that he was drooling all over his arm, and mostly on the sleeve of his t-shirt. 

Second was that Castiel's hand resting on Dean's chest was clutching at the dark fabric of his shirt, as if he were afraid to let go.

Third was that the angel wasn't wearing neither his usual jacket nor black vest, only his shirt and tie, which looked a bit undone. Just like his hair, falling all over his face and sticking to his wet cheek. 

Fourth, and last one, was that  _ damn, he still looked cute like this. _ His half-opened mouth, brows still furrowed a bit despite him looking very much in deep sleep. His soft breathing, the way he was making little grunts now and again, his arms and eyebrows moving a bit with them.

Dean could feel himself get progressively more aroused the more this went on. He had an urge to just pin him down and kiss him right now.

But of course, that'd be wrong. Why would he do that, knowing Cas probably would hate it?

Then suddenly, after Cas moved again, Dean realized that with the way his arm was bent, his hand was dangerously close to Cas' ass. As he realized this, it clicked in his mind that he  _ really  _ needed to get out of bed, before something went wrong. He winced, and slowly,  _ very slowly,  _ slid his hand out of Castiel's grasp, trying his best to not wake him up. On the off chance that this somehow was just an accident, he didn't want things to get more awkward than they already were.

He finally got free, and sighed heavily, before standing up and walking to the table. He grabbed the sticky note, and groaned softly at the text.

"Gone to get food. Sleep well, lovebirds ;)"

_ "Sam, when you come back, I'm gonna kill you." _ Dean thought, crumpling the paper and throwing it in the trash can. He walked to the bathroom, and closed the door behind him.

When he got out, he realized that Castiel wasn't in bed anymore. Dean looked around, confused, and saw that the angel was sitting on the couch, wearing his full suit again, his hair back to its original form, his expression now serious, like usual.

"Oh, hey Cas. Sam went to get food."

"Yes. I guessed as much."

He seemed to be wanting to avoid looking at the man now. He was staring at the ground, head slightly turned.

Dean wasn't sure if he should mention what he woke up to.  _ Would it be insensitive? _ He still wasn't sure how exactly this happened, and he didn't want hear if it was an accident or not. He didn't want to hurt more than he already did, just in case Castiel would indeed say it was just an accident. It was better to just move past it, and act like usual.

****

Dean gasped as he fell on the ground, blood pumping against his temples as it gushed out of his forehead.

Sam and him had encountered a horde of vampires, and while this was usually nothing new, and they did search for them, this time, there were a  _ lot  _ more than usual _ .  _ They had managed to take out the majority, but there were three left, and they definitely seemed stronger than the rest. Dean had been separated from Sam, and was crawling on the floor, head ringing, feeling dizzy and sore. He could feel a sharp pain in his left leg, the vampire he was currently fighting having thrown rubble over it a few minutes prior. Dean had lost his gun, and was doing his best to hold his little knife up in front of him, even if he knew this wouldn't do much, especially in his condition.

The vampire grabbed Dean by the throat, lifting him up against the wall, clasping at his neck as much as he could to choke the man.

And now, Dean was  _ really  _ hoping Cas would come back and save his ass.

"Shit, Cas, if you-" he made a strange gargling noise, barely able to speak out loud "h-hear me… Jesus Christ please just fucking kill that son of a bitch right here!"

And, to the relief of Dean, the angel materialized before him, landing a swift hit to the vampire's neck, decapitating him instantly.

The monster's body fell to the ground, and Dean with it. He gasped for air, coughing and spitting out blood. He was feeling even more dizzy now, and he could barely sit, or thank Cas for actually answering his call for once. His vision was filled with dots, and the ringing in his ear was all he could hear, even when Castiel asked him if he needed to be healed. 

Then, although he wasn't sure of it after the fact, he fell unconscious.

Cas had left a bit before they encountered the vampires, and while he had said he had other things to attend to, it was obvious he left because of how awkward the atmosphere between him and Dean was getting. 

They went to a bar, after Sam got a potential lead on a case and asked for Cas to accompany them.

It wasn't so bad at first, unless you counted the 'not talking to each other' thing, which was very annoying for Dean.

He really wanted to say something. He wanted to apologize, tell the angel what had happened before wasn't this bad, and it was just an accident and it was okay.

Then Sam had the balls to mention the little scene from the morning, and that made Dean fumble out a half-assed excuse, that  _ it's just an accident. I'm sure he teleported here without knowing! _

But when he said that he realized that Castiel just seemed so sad… he seemed as if it pained him even more to look at Dean after that excuse. Which didn't help that Dean already felt bad, and now he was thinking that maybe he did or said something offensive without realizing it.

And then, to top it off, when the bartender lady, who had been eyeing down Dean for a while, came to get the check, she left her number on it, winking seductively at Dean.

Oddly enough, he wasn't in the mood. He just felt awkward, and politely rejected her advances without raising too many suspicions on Sam's side, even if he had guessed his younger brother had probably already figured out something was wrong.

Then, as they stepped out of the bar, Dean realized that Cas was gone. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to even hear the flap of his wings. It was Sam who made him realize. Which only contributed to him feeling even shittier.

When Dean woke up, he was in the back of the Impala. His body didn't hurt anymore, and he felt that a hand was gently stroking his hair. As he opened his eyes, the hand stopped and quickly retracted. Dean looked up at Cas, who was staring down as him, his expression unreadable. Dean quickly sat up, and looked around. "Oh. Hey." He mumbled, looking at Cas, then at Sam who was driving.

"How long was I out?" The man asked, rubbing the back of his head, happy to find it devoid of any blood, unlike before.

"A few minutes. Thank God Cas came back to help, else maybe you wouldn't have come back at all."

Dean nodded, and sat back in the car seat. 

The ride back was done in silence, thankfully it wasn't long, because even silence was making him nervous.

Sam got out of the car, and stopped to turn to Dean as he saw his brother was simply leaning against the Impala, looking up at the stars.

"You coming?"

Dean shrugged. "In a minute."

Sam smiled and went back to the motel, leaving Dean alone.

_ Well, not completely alone. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao can you guess that I'm not used to writing angst? Because it is true. IT'S RLY HARD.


	3. Something Actually Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK SOMETHING WILL ACTUALLY HAPPEN NOW, I SWEAR

Castiel was still there, now standing right beside Dean, eyes up, looking at the same sky that Dean was admiring.

It felt like hours before Cas finally opened up his mouth, breathing in sharply as if to prepare himself for what he was about to say.  _ Something bad, Dean presumed. _

"I'm... sorry. About this morning." He said softly, still not looking at Dean. "I don't exactly know what came over me, I acted impulsively. But be assured, I won't do it again. I could see it made you uncomfortable."

Dean turned to look at Cas, and he could feel a bit cramped in his clothes, from nervousness and slight fear.  _ Uncomfortable wasn't exactly the right word. It was more… embarrassed?  _ "So… this wasn't an accident?" He was getting more and more anxious the longer time went by before Cas answered. He could feel his heartbeat pick up the pace, breathing getting shallow with the anticipation of what the angel might say next.

_ And what was Cas saying? Did he actually not think anything of it? Was there no meaning behind what he did, despite him having acted if his own accord? _

"N-not exactly

"What does that mean?" " _ Don't say what I think you're gonna say, please…" _

"… I guess… it was some sort of test..." Cas said softly, fumbling with the hem of his shirt. "I shouldn't give any specifics, but basically-"

"Oh, a test, huh?" Dean's voice cutting through Castiel's was shaky and rougher, filled with growing painful emotions, some of them he didn't even know were there until they spilled out of him.  _ Why was this coming out now? _ Wouldn't he be better off shutting up and leaving it be?  _ But then again, this had weighed on his chest for so long. It had to get out. _

He didn't exactly know what Cas was going to say after that, but he felt like he was about to break just from hearing the first sentence. He had said pretty much exactly what he had himself been thinking.  _ He was toying with his feelings. Testing the waters, seeing how much he could go on before he broke. Or maybe he tried to actually act on feelings, but realized how much of a mistake this was, and retracted and stopped. _

"So my feelings are all just some stupid game to you, is that it??" Dean exclaimed, a bit louder and more aggressive than he had wanted it to be. "You waltz in, ask me shit about love, get all friendly with me, cuddle up to me in bed, then ignore me, for FUN??"

There was a ball of emotions in his throat, and his heart was burning with anguish. He felt betrayed.  _ He didn't matter to him after all. _

"JUST TELL ME I DON'T MATTER ALREADY, INSTEAD OF DOING THIS SHIT."

"D-Dean, what-"

"If this is a punishment, I get it, but YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY!!! _ " _

"Dean. No, that's not-"

"No. No. Shut the fuck up. I don't wanna hear anything." Dean clutched at his hair, breathing in loudly as he turned his back to the angel, trying his best to calm down. "I mean I know I deserve this, after all I've done, but…  _ jesus _ , Cas, I-I didn't expect that from you…" he then added, voice trembling, and softer than the previous sentence.

Cas was silent, simply staring at Dean's back with large, shocked eyes.

"Dean…" he started, moving his hand to his sleeve, but retracted it quickly.  _ Maybe he shouldn't... _

Soft sniffles could be heard, which immediately alerted Cas and made him appear in front of Dean, despite every fiber in his meatsuit begging him to stay put and wait until Dean was calm again. 

"Dean." He gently took him by the chin, and rubbed his thumb against his wet cheek. "You didn't let me finish." He said softly, cupping the man's cheek with his other hand, pushing away a strand of hair from his face. "It was a test for  _ myself _ ."

He stopped, gathering his thoughts, which let Dean some time to calm down, just enough to concentrate on what Cas was going to say next.

"I… I've been feeling quite confused lately, in terms of… emotions, and I wanted to know if you were the cause of it." He looked down at his feet, soft blush creeping up his cheeks, which surprised Dean a bit alongside the words accompanying that blush, as he didn't know Cas could do that. "I did not wish to harm or alarm you, which is why I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if you'd… want to help me understand…" he clutched tightly at Dean's jacket, fingers almost boring holes in the leather with the force of his grip. "Cas, w-what does that mean..?"

Cas bit his lip nervously, which suddenly sent a wave of arousal down Dean's spine with the sight of it. "I think I love you."

There, final blow. It hit him like a bullet to the heart, making him widen his eyes, staying still, trying to process exactly what was happening.

"You- what?"

"I love you, Dean." Cas said in the most serious, matter-of-fact tone.

"You gotta be kidding me.."

Cas shook his head. "I'm serious Dean. I really do have feelings for you."

Dean hung his head low, eyes wide. "N-no, this is a dream right? Is this a dream? Am I dreaming?"

_ He couldn't believe it. But why? Why him? _

Cas frowned, a bit confused. "Of course not. Why would you say that?"

"Because it's just impossible. Why would you love me?" Dean said, eyes still bordering on tears. Cas tilted his head slightly, and brushed his soft palm against Dean's rough cheek. "Why wouldn't I? Do you think I'm not allowed to love you?" He asked, with that soft, innocent, serious face that made Dean melt a bit. "No! I just mean…"

"You think you don't deserve my love?"

Dean looked away at that. He had hit the nail right on the head. The man stayed silent, and frowned.

"I-I guess… because you're…"

"Because I'm an angel?" He then asked, thumb gliding across the freckles on Dean's cheekbones. Dean looked back at him, eyes wide. Castiel chuckled, which made Dean's heart skip a beat at that rare, melodious sound. "As you say… this is all a bunch of horsecrap." He then said, back of his hand stroking Dean's cheek.

He stepped closer to the man, the angel's forehead resting against his. It was warm, just like his hand, and like his breath that tickled his face whenever he'd speak. 

"So.. "

The scenery around Dean quickly changed from the parking to a...  _ hotel room? _ the quick trip accompanied with that distinct sound of Castiel's wings flapping _ . _

The room looked very fancy, more than any motel or hotel they ever stayed in. Golden, red and white filled the walls, ceiling and ornaments, as well as the bed they were both on, Cas right on top of Dean, over velvety blankets which felt soft and warm under him.

"You think you don't deserve to be loved, is that it?" Cas continued as if nothing had happened, his weight above Dean's making him a bit excited, despite still also feeling very distraught and afraid.

Dean closed his eyes, sighed, and nodded.

"Why is that?" Cas' hand moved from Dean's cheek to the back of his neck, gently tracing patterns in his hair, making Dean shiver with his movements. "I… I don't…" he stopped, and groaned, realizing he wouldn't be losing much by telling _the guy pinning him down on_ _the bed_ the truth.

He closed his eyes, breathing in and then out to calm himself down.

"I'm a bad person. I've caused the death of so many people who I loved, I hook up with random girls at bars and ditch them the next day, I'm impulsive, I'm mean, I'm- I-… I caused so much suffering… I hurt people, intentionally, and I liked it... Cas…" he looked up at him, green eyes wide with meaning and emotions. Cas guessed that this last sentence was about Hell specifically. "I  _ can't _ deserve any of this… I'm… I'm too far gone…" his voice cracked under the pressure of his own feelings, and the flood gates opened, warm, salty tears rolling down his freckled cheeks and permeating against the red velvet of the blankets underneath. "You're just… so beautiful, powerful, and… an  _ angel.  _ And I'm...  _ me. _ " He brought a hand to his face, to cover himself shamefully as he cried. 

"Someone like me doesn't deserve love, especially not from someone like _you." _He added, voice trembling, words interrupted with his hiccups and sobs.

Castiel licked his lips nervously, a bit unsure of what to do there. On one side, he really wanted to comfort Dean, but on the other… he was scared that his words would only hurt him more. The angel wasn't exactly the best in this category, after all. What if he only made things worse? Dean had already gotten mad at him for saying it was a test,  _ even if Cas didn't see anything wrong with that sentence. _

And so, doing the only other thing he thought would help, he leaned in, and gently kissed the back of Dean's hand. That hand moved away, uncovering the man's face, which was still just as beautiful even filled with tears. The feel of success filled Cas' heart and he got an urge of motivation to help Dean even more. Then, the words he couldn't find simply started rolling off his tongue, feeling so natural that for a second he didn't even realize he was speaking.

"I think… the fact that you feel so horrible about it… could mean that you're not as bad of a person as you say you are." Castiel said slowly, before gently kissing Dean's cheek. 

"It's okay… you're on a path of forgiveness, and how could I ever hate you for that..?" He said softly, as his lips brushed over the man's cheek.

He could feel Dean, despite staying quiet, calm down a bit under the kisses, and so Cas planted another one on his opposite cheek, muttering soft, calming words in Enochian, knowing fully well Dean wouldn't understand, but keeping it up as he moved around, feeling that this still had a relaxing effect on the human. Then he planted another kiss, on his forehead. And another on his nose. Then two, near both his eyes, gently wiping away the tears with his lips. Then back to his cheek again. He lifted his head a bit to move it to another part, and it lingered, just for a second, above Dean's own lips. He was so close, he could feel his breathing against his mouth, warm, damp, soft,  _ entrancing.  _ He raised his head, gaze locking with Dean's beautiful green eyes.

"May I?" Cas asked softly, almost not breathing anymore, as if he had to concentrate or he would miss the milliseconds where Dean's lips met his own. As an answer, Dean lifted his head slightly, just enough for their mouths to touch, lips fluttering against each other.

Cas' mouth tasted just as great as he looked. He felt a bit less experienced against Dean's own, extremely experienced mouth, but kissing him was still such an  _ experience  _ to Dean. Just the first kiss he'd received on his hand was enough to calm him down and raise his arousal, and now there they were, making out on the warm velvet bed, with Cas on top of him. Dean's hands blindly wandered around Cas' back, finding their way under his jacket, then under his shirt, palms rubbing gently against the angel's skin, feeling his ribs and spine against his hands as he moved them up and down.

When Cas pulled away, Dean was panting heavily, face red, eyes red, but happier than he'd been in a  _ long  _ time, his green eyes shimmering with delight and shock.

"Are you okay with this? Do you want to... go further?" Cas asked softly, his hands hovering above Dean's sides, waiting for the man's signal to go. 

Dean nodded, and that was enough for Cas to quickly pull off the man's jacket and t-shirt, sliding them off his muscular torso in seconds. 

"Jeez Cas, impatient much?" Dean chuckled, looking down at him. Castiel didn't answer, his eyes stuck on his body. Dean could practically see the lust in angel's eyes as they moved frantically around, trying to look at and touch every little portion of Dean's body. Then, Cas leaned down, and gently kissed Dean's jawline, which sent a shiver down his spine and warming up in his belly. The angel moved down, his lips trailing down Dean's neck, planting soft kisses along the way.

"Dean… I'm sorry if I hurt you…" he mumbled, his hands gliding across Dean's skin, feeling every bump, muscle and scar. "I won't do it anymore.. at least, I'll try not to."

His mouth went back up to Dean's ear, and Dean shivered and blushed at the contact of the angel's lips against his earlobe. A few seconds passed where he stood there, breathing softly, silent. "I'm… I'm not sure what to do next." He then mumbled, his low, rumbling voice right next to Dean's ear making him squeal softly and pull Cas closer. "O-oh, uh, well…" Dean gently rolled over, smiling a bit, amused at how Cas was being so controlling just a second ago, and now just realizing that he had no idea what to do. "I'll take it from here."

Something somehow suddenly changed in him, like a switch was flipped as soon as he climbed over Cas and looked at him. His eyes were wide, staring at him with intensity. "First, we should get you out of these clothes."

His hands moved to Castiel's tie, quickly undoing it, before he moved to the buttons of his shirt, then gently slid all of his clothes off him, with the help of Cas. "Wow…" while the angel's body was a bit more frail than Dean's, it still was quite a sight to behold. Dean moved down, and planted a soft kiss on Castiel's collarbone. Cas whimpered very softly as he did, which made Dean look up at him in surprise. "Oh. So you can make these noises too, hm?"

As Dean kept kissing around on his soft skin, Castiel frowned, and grabbed Dean's shoulders. "I think I know what do. I want to be on top." He said - or, well - commanded. Dean raised his brows in slight surprise, but let him, rolling over again so Cas could be on top once more. That's when he realized how better the view was like this. Cas was almost completely naked, only thing making him so being the dark underwear still on his hips,  _ tight enough so Dean could see the curve of his member, just well enough to imagine how it'd feel inside hi- _

"You should get undressed too." Cas said, tugging on the waistband of Dean's jeans, interrupting the man's train of thoughts. Dean looked down and smirked. "You're doing a good job yourself. Go on." Castiel obeyed, sliding Dean's jeans off, slowly, enough that Dean could savor the feeling of the angel's small soft hands caressing his thighs as they moved down, then leaving both of them in the same almost-naked state. "So now what?"

Every time Cas asked this, Dean remembered he was supposed to be guiding him through it.  _ Even though he wishes he didn't need to _ .

But before he could say anything, Cas lifted a finger up, asking Dean to wait, as he frowned, concentrating, like he was searching for something, then disappeared, and quickly reappeared a second later, with in his hands...

Dean's eyes widened as he saw the bottle of lube. "When did you- where did you get that??" He asked.

The angel gently moved Dean's legs up on his shoulders. "Oh, well, you know." He said, and then _ smiled  _ and _ winked  _ at Dean _ . _

_ "What the fuck is this guy made of??"  _ Dean thought, panicked and now extremely aroused with this new side of the angel. He wasn't like this usually. This was different. New.  _ Exciting _ .

Cas slowly pulled Dean's boxers off, his member springing up, already half-hard, and looked at the man's crotch a bit, examining it. He trailed his index up the base to the tip, which made Dean moan softly. His hands were soft and delicate, and precise with their movements, even in this one stroke. Then he added another one, and Dean thrusted his hips forward and moaned again. "Aahhh, Cas… that's-" he was interrupted by another stroke, which made him moan again, louder this time, and only roll his hips more in pure need.

Sensing the signal, Cas pulled his own underwear down, and opened up the bottle of lube, coating his fingers with it, a few cold drops dripping on Dean's thighs and making him shiver. Cas softly pressed a finger against Dean's hole, testing the softness of it, before slowly pushing in. Dean groaned and rolled his hips, moaning as Cas slipped another finger in, scissoring and twisting them to adjust and test the elasticity. Then he added another one, and leaned in close to Dean's ear, the man's legs pulling up with him as they were still on the angel's shoulder. "I know what to do now. Do you know what I'm gonna do?"

Dean whimpered in response, which made Cas smile just a little, and gently lick the man's ear. "F-fuck, C-Cas, just put in it already-" Dean breathed out between groans, his arms wrapped around the angel's head. Cas slid his fingers out, and positioned himself, gently rubbing the tip of his member against the hole, before thrusting in. They both gasped, and Dean's legs moved down and around Cas' waist, pulling him closer. Cas leaned down, gazing into Dean's eyes, who did the same, smiling brightly. The man's hand moved to the angel's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. And then he moved his head up and kissed him, which made Cas groan softly and thrust his hips forward into Dean, making the man moan. And then again, and again. Cas broke the kiss, not before gently suckling on Dean's bottom lip, and moved his head down to Dean's neck, kissing and licking it softly, then, arrived at the base, planted his teeth in and nibbled softly. Dean's eyes widened when the pressure of his teeth got harder, and he whimpered, holding Cas tighter against him.  _ Had he drawn blood? He wasn't sure of it. All that Cas knew was that he had felt the urge to mark him, suddenly. _ And that urge wasn't gone, the angel realized as his head moved back up to Dean's neck and sucked on it, until he left a mark, and went elsewhere, doing it again. "Aahhh, f-fuck, Cas…" Dean moaned, one of his hands reaching the angel's hair and gripping it tightly. Cas' head moved back up and he kissed Dean again, more passionately, sliding his tongue in as he felt the other do the same, the thrusts getting stronger with each beat.  _ And then… _

"Aaahhhh, Dean… I think I'm-" he whimpered and moved his head down, moving it back up as Dean grabbed his head. "Look at me while you cum." He said, staring right at the angel. Cas moaned, and came almost instantly, eyelids twitching, begging to close with the impact. "Dean, what about you..?" Cas then asked immediately after, struck with sudden realization. Dean chuckled and, after letting Cas get out of him, rolled them around on the bed, so they could lay side to side. "I can just jack off." He then blushed, and looked away, a bit in shame. "Except, uh, this time, you're actually there in front of me… instead of… in my imagination…" he said softly as he slowly stroke his cock, then quickly looking back at Cas, panting softly in rhythm with his hand's movements. Cas smiled softly, making a surprised expression. "You touched yourself while thinking of me..?"

That face.  _ That fucking face _ . It caught Dean by surprise, and he groaned, cum splattering all over the bed and themselves. Dean laughed, wiping some of it away from Cas' chest. "Y-yeah. Sorry dude, didn't mean to- I mean, I did, but uh-" Cas moved closer and kissed Dean to shut him up. When they parted, he was smiling again. "It's okay Dean. I don't mind." He let his head rest against the pillow, still looking at Dean with a soft, gentle expression, which remained kind despite the fact his smile had disappeared once again. Dean chuckled and smiled, voice full with emotion. "I… heh, I love yah."

Cas kissed Dean's forehead softly. "I love you too, Dean".

A few seconds of silence passed, before Dean sighed, looking at the now dirty bed. "So uh. How do we clean this up? Also, who's gonna tell Sam about this?"

Cas passed a palm against Dean's arm, rubbing it all the way down before he gently took Dean's hand, and kissed the back of it softly. "We'll let the cleaning staff take care of that. And well, I was thinking we'd tell him tomorrow, over breakfast." He looked up at Dean, and raised an eyebrow. "Unless… you'd like… being in bed with me again?"

Dean smiled at him, and kissed Cas softly. 

"Yeah. I'd like that very much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rusty, it's been a while since I wrote gay smut, hope this was still somewhat readable lmao


End file.
